Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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