So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
