yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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