I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
