He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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