this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
