You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
