Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
