Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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