This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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