Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
