so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
