I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
