I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
