So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
