My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
