I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
