Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
