come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
