I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
