If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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