i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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