The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
