I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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