Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
