Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
