You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
