I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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