You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
