She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
