D3 body, D1 cock
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just wanna soil my oats bro
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
