a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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