I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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