dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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