Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My balls are so social today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
