I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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