I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
