I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
