worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
