i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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