I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
