that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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