Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
