So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The air taste purple.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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