I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
