My cat gives me a boner
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
