we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
