Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This baby is an asshole
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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