So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
