It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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