is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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