i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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