i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
