when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
