...so i touched it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
