You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
