next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
