somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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