when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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