Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
