She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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