Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
