Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
